Sometimes I feel like I come from another planet.
Maybe it’s the native New Yorker in me. Maybe it’s something I was taught growing up. Maybe I had a father (God rest his soul) who lived in such a world of make believe and compulsive lying and I hated it so much that I purposely became the exact opposite.
Maybe it’s all of the above. Well, except that I came from another planet (but then, maybe I did… 
).
I don’t understand why people today in general have this HUGE need to avoid the truth. Even my husband makes me crazy because there are times when he will rationalize and rationalize and rationalize something until I slap him in the face with the facts enough that he realizes I won’t play along. Sometimes I wonder, after being together for 15 years, why he married me, because I definitely do not go around blinded by the rose-colored glasses he can. Though I have to say, I think he’s gotten better over the years. I only have to get annoyed about it every once in awhile with him now!
Anyway, my particular beef today is with people I deal with through my Tae Kwon Do school. As I was formerly a corporate marketing executive before I started my own plant nursery, I actually help with the marketing of our school. Well, that’s where it started. Then I also took on organizing our instructor schedule for both locations, since it was very disorganized and often put together last minute, which annoyed most people involved. A side note here: One of my challenges in life is that I’m a fixer — I always want to fix things, and sometimes step and and get in over my head. So you can say my name and face are attached to a lot at the school, and most people know who I am.
The problem I constantly face is, when someone has a problem with ________, either I hear about it (which is when I tell the person/people to talk to our master instructor), or people just start avoiding both me and our master instructor. But the funny part is, even when you peg them down, most people won’t tell you the real reason they have a problem with something, or why they can’t (really, won’t) do it.
This perplexes our master instructor. He’s from Korea — a very, very different culture. He was brought up in martial arts, and it’s his way of life. And though he’s been in the U.S. since the ’70s, he’s still very ingrained in his native culture. And part of that is, where he grew up, when someone practiced with a master, they would go out of their way to help their master in any way they can, in class or out. And if you were asked to help in any way, it was a PRIVELEGE, not a chore.
Here, in our very, very self-centered society, our master instructor has done well, but not extraordinary. With his c.v., you would expect more, though — he’s coached the military, they Olympic TKD team, and many, many more things throughout his career that would render him worthy of great respect. Yet, often it’s like pulling teeth to get someone to help out. My family and I do it, but can only do so much, and we are sometimes depended on more heavily than we should be, because others haven’t won’t step up to the plate. Many don’t realize, if we ALL chip in, we won’t have TOO much to do to help, because everyone can do a little bit, vs. a few having to do too much, get burnt out, and then quit altogether.
Anyway, there are many who feel affronted if they are asked to help in any way. If you look at an old post of mine (“Why Don’t We Ever Slow Down Anymore?”), I talked about us in this manic society.
We’re even going too fast to help others. I think many people know it, and are ashamed because of that, and won’t look in the mirror and face the facts. Here’s what I say: Own up to it, then, and stop making excuses! Maybe if we all did that, then we’d have to face ourselves, and reorganize our lives a little bit because we realize that we have to pick our THING, or a few THINGS, but only enough where we can devote some time to it/them for the thing(s) to make a real difference in our lives (and for us to make a difference in whatever THING it is).
As an adult, the alien in me has always kept me honest. And sometimes it’s painful, but at least I don’t fool myself into thinking otherwise. I’ve found that over the years with my husband, there ARE times when I try on his rose-colored glasses, and rationalize a little bit. However, I always find when I do that, that I feel unsatisfied with myself, and inevitably end up having to face the facts at some point. So, why waste time? Own up to the truth — which many times takes some chutzpah — and I think that we all would fare better for it.
