Here I go. Down the “family” path. I knew I’d get here, sooner or later, because it’s always a core part of my frustration, as well as my enjoyment. And my laughs, too, I guess, since I’ve grown up and realized how quirky we ALL are!
So here’s my beef for today (and quite honestly, many a day), that I must vent SOMEWHERE, because it’s been under my skin for YEARS.
We live in the beautiful state of North Carolina. Truly beautiful. Gorgeous mountains and breathtaking ocean. A solid four equal seasons, and no crazy 20 below temperatures from up north in the wintertime. It’s exactly what my husband and I wanted when we decided to live here.
So, get it? We love the state we live in. We’re proud to be living here. And with a 5+ bedroom house (and only 3 occupied), we have plenty of room to accommodate visitors. However, regardless of the size of our families, it’s rare that we have any. In fact, after being together 15 years, my husband’s brother and his family came to visit for the FIRST TIME this past June (though I do have to say that his brother had come, as a side action to business, a handful of times over the years) . Other interesting statistics:
- The last time my father-in-law came to see us and his grandchildren was…. well, let’s see… I THINK 5 years ago;
- Last time my sister and her family visited from New York: 8 years ago (though I did have a brief visit from her and her husband 5 years ago);
- Last (and ONLY) time my husband’s sister and her family visited: 3 or 4 years ago (I can’t quite remember).
I do have to inject here that both Moms are somewhat regular visitors — there’s no beef here with them! 
For the first five years I was with my husband, we/I traveled all over the place visiting — a chunk of his family lived (and continues to live in) western/rural Minnesota, and for four years, I worked for an international company based outside of Minneapolis. So, whenever I had a business trip to the Cities, I would make it a point to go see them. We’ve even taken two trips over the years all the way to Alaska to see his brother (who now lives in Minnesota, too). Also, when we first met, we lived in upstate New York, so a weekend jaunt to Long Island to see my family (my sister and hers, as well as other family, at the time, who currently mostly live in Virginia now) was common.
I never thought much of it at the time, because we lived in apartments (though nice, spacious ones), and if someone came to visit, great, if not, I figured that once we “settled down” into a house someplace, they’d come. So when we moved down to North Carolina and bought a house — roomy and in a beautiful, much more pleasant climate — we were sure we’d have a more regular cast of visitors.
Hah, to that!
Now, there are many thoughts the casual onlooker might have, including that no one likes us and/or that we make visits a nightmare. Besides the fact that it’s an adult fact of life that visits with the family are SUPPOSED to be a nightmare (because what would we talk about about when we got back???), when people have come, they actually (seem to) have a good time. We’re very cognizant of planning adequate entertainment and menus (and I do have to say both my husband and I are pretty good cooks), and our house has plenty of room. So, we’ve just started categorizing the phenomenon as “things that make you go, ‘hmmm..’”!
Isn’t there some kind of tally book somewhere that checks off every time you go and visit, and keeps tabs on when it’s time for the parties to switch obligations? Because I swear, when accounting for my husband and I visiting his and my families in the first 4 years of being together, I would say that (besides his mother) ALL of their COLLECTIVE visits to us in the subsequent 10 years don’t even come close — not that we’re keeping tabs, or anything!
Now, one theory that many people in our lives have had is that because most of my husband’s family lives in a small town, they really don’t like to leave, because the whole world for them exists there in that town (I feel the lead weight on my chest just thinking about that). However, counterpoint:
My husband’s brother was in the USN until 2005; he stayed in for his full 20 (while my husband felt that 6 we enough for him). In the last 7 years, he did a stint out of San Diego and then Colorado Springs, and ended up back in Alaska. And one of the biggest points of contention that my husband has had is that it seems that everyone — his dad and sister included — repeatedly went to visit his brother, no matter where he roamed, while NO ONE came to visit us, especially while he was in the USN. And it irritated me very much, especially because I knew it upset him. Because you know, it wasn’t like visiting his brother was some great thing, tactically. Granted, in Alaska, it was ALASKA, but they were staying in a little cabin that was a little tight for more than 2 people, and neither his brother or his brother’s wife cooked, so any time we needed food, we had to plan to basically drive the half hour into town to get something to eat. BUT NOTE HERE, WE WERE OK WITH THAT. We just don’t understand why it was so much more attractive for a visit, and what in the world would make it so dreadful to visit us.
Another small home town comment (no offense intended, because there are perks to living anywhere): Honestly, we’d think (WE meaning my husband included, who grew up there) that since there’s really not a lot that goes on there, that they would embrace the opportunity to “escape” for a little bit, and take the excuse to visit to see someplace and someone else. I know that one time I spent a full 2 weeks there with my husband in February, and quite honestly, by day 4, I was climbing the walls with boredom. Can you say claustrophobia, boys and girls? That’s why my husband won’t even LOOK AT the TV show October Road — it’s just too mindblowingly familiar to him, and he can’t believe that the show is coming back again, because, from his real experience, all they’ll do is the same thing over and over, and everyone will talk about everyone else, and not much will change. So who would want to watch that on TV???
The “small town” theory also doesn’t stand up to my sister, either, although since I grew up on Long Island, I do know that people there generally think that Long Island and Manhattan is the Center of the Universe, and there is no place better. Plus, she and her family actually have, in the past, taken trips all over, including to Virginia — just 3.5 hours from us — to visit our grandparents. Just really, not here. Funny, because I think of all of those years of visiting her house, cramped with 4 children and a bunch of animals, and I never had a problem with it.
So, I don’t get it. WE don’t get it.
Also, here’s the REALLY funny part. When we do get visitors, we tend to get them at the WORST POSSIBLE TIME. August is the month we have tended to get the most visitors, over the years. So, think about it — do you really want to go SOUTH in August? Yes, we have 4 solid, wonderful seasons, and my husband and I love the heat, but there are 3 months we wouldn’t recommend… July-August and February. July and August, for those whose blood has not thinned out (as well as for those whose blood HAS thinned out), is pretty brutal — August is typically when we have 100+ degree F days fairly regularly, with about 95% humidity. So, obviously, all of the outdoors stuff — of which there’s a LOT — is usually not a consideration. And, though February CAN be rather pleasant, it is also the time of year when it can be 60 degrees one day, and then 30 with an ice storm the next. Pretty volatile.
Anyway, that leaves 9 months of the year. Yet, everyone thinks that those 3 months are when they need to get those plane tickets!
So we feel badly, because we never seem to get to do the really nice things in NC when people visit, most of which are outside. And then, we wonder if the conversation when they get back is how miserable NC is, and why on earth someone would want to live there is beyond them…
Forget about the MN experience of mind-numbingly cold 20+ below degree winters with wind chill beyond humanly habitable, and enough humidity in the summer to have swarms of mosquitos being known to carry small children away… I have a problem wanting to visit a place where, during the winter, one of the biggest boasts I’ve heard is, “It was so cold out that if you spit from your front door, it would freeze by the time it hit the ground.” Now, THERE’S an attraction! Then we inevitably get the question, ”So, why don’t you come visit for the holidays?”
Usually, we respond, “Why don’t YOU come visit for the holidays?”
:::SIGH::: Gotta love them, right? 
