So Many Pieces… One Big Picture

With the New Year well into full swing, and more time down in the greenhouses getting ready for spring planting season sales, I’m back to my introspection, and lots of…. well, just plain thinking.

Over the holidays, I did a bit of reading for pleasure, which I haven’t done in quite awhile! As my husband calls it, I “devoured” the Pullman series (The Golden Compass et al), which in all actuality, I found VERY entertaining, and very interesting. Because with all the hype, I have a very, VERY hard time believing Pullman is an atheist, as he has proclaimed to the world over and over again. Actually, in a lot of write-ups, they say he is “atheist and agnostic.” Huh? That’s like saying someone’s Catholic and Protestant. You can’t really be both — you have to be one or the other. And after those books, I don’t believe either. What I DO believe is that Pullman doesn’t believe in the Catholic-inspired church (including Protestants), or rather, the politics and control exuded by any organized religion. With that, I have to say I agree.

However, I am about as far from being atheist OR agnostic as could be. I’m devoutly devoted to God, and have no doubts whatsoever about us being a part of something much, much larger, and much, much more eternal. But I have never believed in “God” as an elderly, brooding, jealous, enrageable old man sitting on a throne. which is probably why I really had fun with The Amber Spyglass and the personifications in the battle that ensued! 

If you look at our universe, it is easy to see that the universe is infinitely large, as well as infinitely small. I think God is something we don’t really comprehend in our conscious human minds, because “it” (I would never say God is in man or woman form, how very hubris of us) is so big, and we are just individual cells that are part of a much, much bigger whole. And as we are a part of it, we all ARE it… and we all have the capability to tap into powers that are much more extraordinary that we’ve yet to discover. THAT evolution is what I believe is our destiny. Pullman’s books talk about “dust,” basically elementary particles that make up universal consciousness, and that’s completely non-atheist to me. It’s really stating a belief in what a much, much bigger thing we’re a part of.

Which is why (even though I was brought up Episcopal) I hate what the symbol of Jesus Christ has generally become. The Christian Church has made it a cop-out — someone we should idolize and look up at at the altar (forget about the 10 Commandments when it’s convenient, regarding idolatry) because we’re just losers. What I really believe is that Jesus’ soul — as completely evolved, and in tune with the Universe/God — came here in that short lifetime to provide us with divine inspiration. I believe that Jesus tried to teach us that we all have the capabilities he had, and that we all need to learn how to tap into those capabilities. I think he was trying to help tap us into our next stage of evolution. And more than 2000 years later, we still haven’t gotten it yet.

Because we’re spending so much time fighting over who is right, and who is wrong. Pullman did a good job at poking fun at the whole afterlife thing, too. That, regardless of what everyone THOUGHT would be redemption and heaven, EVERYONE just went to a bland, gray underworld without their soul (though I have to say the one thing I did have difficulty with is how a soul could be separated from a person, since I believe that it’s the soul that MAKES a person, and not a robot), without being able to break up and assimilate back into the Universe (or “Dust”) and Universal Consciousness.

I think maybe a better separation could be the EGO and the SOUL, because I’ve always believed that it’s the ego that causes all this fighting, disagreement, and competition for ultimate power. Because what I’ve had problems with from very, very early on is the Church trying to tell me what I should believe and not believe, whether or not something seemed as plain as the nose on my face. And other churches, temples, and organized religions telling THEIR followers what they should believe and not believe. All of this fight for political and social power makes us forget that we’re all part of the same thing. That’s how we lose our unity. And I think we lose our power. Because if we were unified, we could combine our energies for evolution and probably take our entire species to the next level. But we can only go so far, because there many, many are people who honestly believe that “God” would care who lived on what land on this tiny little planet.  It’s like I would care whether an oxygen cell floated around in my arm or in my leg — as long as it’s doing what it’s supposed to be doing for my body, why should I care?

Not that I’m saying that we’re all the same and no one is better than another — quite the contrary! The Church preaches that we should be humble and put everything and every ability aside to be a servant of God first. How could that really make any logical sense? For our continued evolution and the betterment of our Universe and God, wouldn’t it be logical that every one of us do the ABSOLUTE BEST THAT WE ABSOLUTELY CAN, maximize our strengths, and improve upon our weaknesses? Regardless of the shield the Christian Church has made of Jesus, I do love Jesus Christ, because I want to BE like him, I want to be the best I can be — yet, the Church would find a statement like that blasphemous. Because though Christians can generally believe that Jesus and God are one, they cannot see how that completely shows us how WE are one with God.

Anyway, regardless of our personal religious beliefs, we do know there are things that are Universal, regardless of the fact that they are all intangible: Love. Good. Light. And is there really Hate, Bad, and Dark? Of course — there has to be! If we didn’t have black, how would we ever comprehend what white was? So maybe THAT was what the creation of the ego really was.

There are so many books out there today, with people telling stories that depict their beliefs. There are also many books out there today with the authors trying to uncover the truth (and their personal truths), and there are many, many different perspectives to which we weren’t formerly privvy. So, what I say is EDUCATE YOURSELF! Read about a lot of different beliefs — not just those that coincide with your own. Because sometimes, you’ll find something strikes a chord you never knew was there. And maybe that’s what we need to do, to get away from religion for politics and power and more towards our true spiritual evolution. I tell my children… LEARN! GET EDUCATED! Don’t just believe what someone tells you — research it, FEEL it, try it on for size, and assimilate it into your being! Christianity, Judaism, Muslim, Buddhism, Scientology, Astrology, Numerology, etc., etc., etc. – I won’t limit their knowledge to one religion and expect them to believe what I believe without letting them think for themselves! Besides, if we take away the ego, and look at the universal ties we all have, even scientifically, there are many, many things that most of it all has in common, and putting it all together WITHOUT the ego might help us with the evolution we so desperately need to achieve.

Please Take Him Soon

My grandfather, aged 86 (and, I might add, one of my favorite people in the world), has advanced Parkinson’s Disease.

Over the past 6 years, I’ve watched him disintegrate rapidly. Always super intelligent (and quite the history buff), a little eccentric, and very healthy, it’s been painful for me to watch this. Because the Parkinson’s has taken over his body, and what’s left of him is that man trapped inside a shell that won’t let him connect with the outside world anymore. I can see his mind still working, but it’s literally painful for him to get any words out. He can’t write anymore. He won’t walk anymore. My grandmother (bless her) has tried giving him pads, magnetic letters, you name it, but he’s stubborn, and won’t use them. So, it can take several minutes for him to get one sentence out, even though that clear look in his eyes tells me that there’s a lot still going on in there.

It’s too painful for tears.

All my life, he’s been a vibrant, fun, interesting Irishman who loved to be the life of the party. When I was growing up, he was the only man permanently in our household, with five females (my grandmother, my maternal great grandmother, my mother, my sister, and me). Hoo hah! And with all the seriousness in the house — there wasn’t a lot of humor, I recall — he was always a breath of fresh air. I loved going upstairs to see Grandpa, especially when I had a question about history, because though it was by far my least favorite subject in school, he made it come alive for me. And at the family get togethers, when he and my Uncle Tommy (who’s already passed) would talk about WWII and argue about which was better, the US Navy or the US Army (Uncle Tommy – Navy, Grandpa – Army), I would just sit and listen, because they were so fun to listen to!

I was never close with my grandmother when I was young — she really didn’t talk very much, and when she did, it was mostly to my sister – and my mother wasn’t around very often (a side effect of being a single parent in the ’70-’80s). My sister is 6.5 years older than me, so she wasn’t much to talk to until we were both adults, and my great grandmother died in 1980, when I was 11. So Grandpa was all that was left. Though he always seemed a little dreamy, a little distant, he was always fun and pleasant to talk to when I was a kid. He seemed genuinely interested in me and what I did.

And though, in adult life, my relationships with everyone else have changed, matured, and vastly improved, I’ve still loved talking to Grandpa. He’s always been so interesting! And almost never sick, until he had to get heart bypass surgery in the late ’90s. Then it seemed to slip downhill from there. He fell on the ice in wintertime and got a hematoma in his head; the doctors think he might have had a ministroke that went undetected, and soon around then is when he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s.

I will admit he’s quite the stubborn coot! He refused physical therapy in the beginning, which I think started a downward spiral — because he wasn’t using his limbs, but favoring them, so his disability got worse, and so on, and so forth. No matter. Because in the past six years, I’ve watched him go from driving to not, to using a cane, to using a walker, to using a wheelchair, and now, to basically never leaving the recliner chair in his livingroom. And that wouldn’t be SO bad, if he could — would — communicate! My grandmother, at 82, is his main caregiver, and is constantly pulling something in her back, her foot, or other parts because she’s lifting him when he falls, and that’s pretty often. She hasn’t qualified for Medicare-sponsored help to come in, and she refuses to put him in a home (because Lord knows, the Home would take everything they have to put him in there).  My mother lives nearby to help when she can, but still. To my understanding, most of the time, he doesn’t even leave the chair to go to the bathroom anymore — he uses a Texas catheter most of the time, and maybe gets out of the chair once a day.

I was just there this past weekend, and every time I see him, it’s more and more painful. He’s so frustrated because I know those lucid thoughts are still there, yet in his eyes, I see a little boy, scared because somewhere in there he knows he’s not long for this world, and is terrified. At this point, I wonder why. I know he so loves my grandmother — one of the only thing that makes him smile anymore is when he looks at old pictures of them or tries to talk about old stories from when they were younger — and they’ve essentially been together and in each other’s lives for something like 65+ years (save a relatively short period in there when my grandmother divorced him, married someone else, then divorced the other guy and married him again). But no matter how attached he is to her (and she to him, don’t get me wrong), how good is it when he’s just a shell of the man he was, needing 24/7 care, and she’s miserable and terrified at the same time – trapped, as well? SHE barely ever leaves the house, and when she does, she’s in a rush to get back, because she’s afraid of something happening when she’s out. She’s hired someone to tend to him for a few hours once a week, so my mother can take her and my great aunt out food shopping. But, from outside eyes, they’re both miserable. And it’s the most painful kind of misery. Because they’re both afraid of losing each other, yet they’ve already lost each other and refuse to see it. And he’s cranky and sometimes downright mean and inconsiderate to her, and she’s sometime mean and resentful right back to him.

So today, in my solitude while I was working in the greenhouses, I prayed – to God, to the universe, to our spirit guides and to all that help us — to please, please, PLEASE take him very soon. Because I love him — I love both of them — and it’s like they’re both in hell, when they love each other so much. And we all love them. But I don’t want him — them — to be in pain anymore. I want him to be able to let go, and realize that moving on is a beautiful thing — that he will be released of all of his woes, and that he will be whole in spirit again. And even if my grandmother lived for another 20 years, it’s nothing — a speck on a speck of time — before they will be able to be together again.

He needs to know it’s OK to let go. And go.

So I hope *they’re* going to help him over, and soon. Because I think he’s in hell now. And so is she. And no one deserves that.

Is that wrong, for me to feel that way? I don’t think so; I told my father, when he was barely lucid and just completely wasted away from the cancer, that we loved him, but it was OK for him to go. My sister did the same; he died within a week after those conversations. I wouldn’t be able to say that now, because I think my grandmother would kill me if I did.

But I can pray for it.

I love you, Grandpa, and know that you will always be with me, even when you are tired of the constraints of your body’s prison cell that it has become. And I hope you free yourself of it soon.

The Sacrilege (?) of Halloween

 

I guess my husband and I are just heathens, because we LOVE to celebrate Halloween with our kids!

I never, NEVER in my life even thought about it… until we moved down to good ol’ NC, where more than half of the area’s population is originally from the North, and… well, there are also many who would fall in the southern Bible-thumping, Bible belt type who very often pick and choose their interpretation of the Bible and their religion.

 And really, I’m OK with that. To each his own, I say…. everyone needs something a little different for his/her faith, because we’re all different. But one thing that completely bums me out every year is the way Halloween, one of the most fun days of the year for kids, is generally swept under the rug, and minimized in every way possible, for the (seemingly) few.

When I was a kid, we were not only allowed to wear our Halloween costumes to school (providing they weren’t bloody), but we actually had a HALLOWEEN COSTUME PARADE at school that all the parents were invited to in the afternoon, followed by a Halloween party to fill us up with sweets before going trick-or-treating. Hoo-hah! There were parties galore, and pretty much EVERYONE I knew, regardless of their religion, took part to one degree or another.

So imagine my surprise when, as my children entered day care, they weren’t allowed to wear costumes on Halloween, nor did they have any type of party (though they’d have a “fall harvest” celebration or some sort, and would be invited to dress up like their favorite character). This permeated through to school age time, too. Costumes in school? No way! And my husband and I have had to learn to ASK people if they celebrate Halloween, and be prepared for a quick shake of the head and a look away when we ask it.

 This is SO sad to us. We LOVE Halloween! We LOVE spookiness! We LOVE playing with our kids! And our kids really LOVE to dress up! But year after year, we struggle with spending the money needed to get them a costume (or put one together for them, though we really don’t have the time) for them to wear the costumes for a total of… what… 2-3 hours?

Pooh to that.

The History Channel Website has a great and brief explanation of the history of Halloween (http://www.history.com/minisites/halloween/viewPage?pageId=713). If you really look at it, it became a celebration that was a combination of beliefs, INCLUDING Christian. Sound familiar? Like, maybe Christmas, maybe? Or Easter?

Yet, no one ever asks (unless there’s a question of someone not being Christian) whether someone celebrates Christmas, do they?

I haven’t yet come across a Christian-type family who doesn’t exchange presents or doesn’t get a Christmas tree because it’s Pagan. Yet, the day over the years became a combination of celebrations, just like Halloween. Yet, because of the spooky connotation with Halloween (don’t kids LIKE to get spooked every once in awhile???), that seems more sinister, more devil-like, I guess.

And I’m not sure why, in general, us heathens with Northern heritage still have no problems with having some fun on Halloween, and why it seems to be such a problem down south. Our family that is still up north have children who do still get to at least go to school in their costumes on the big day. They think it’s BIZARRE that our children aren’t allowed to do that.  And, after being here for 10 years, my husband and I STILL thinks it’s BIZARRE.

However, there are many, many political issues much higher on the priority scale that we need to address. So, in the meantime, (because every year we say we’re going to have a Halloween party, and never get around to it), we scour the paper and area Websites to find some Halloween events that will allow them to more fully enjoy the celebration… moreso than wearing that $30-60 costume for a full 2 hours to go trick-or-treating.

Now, I must go mix my potions and sacrifice a neighborhood innocent….  LOLLOLLOL

Why Pick on Harry Potter?

 

I STILL don’t understand it. After the seven intensely addictive books by J.K. Rowling, I don’t understand why there are still many (Christian) parents who, when the Harry Potter books/movies are brought up, get all flustered and tell me that they and their children haven’t read/seen either, because of the subject matter. Yet, if I further press, I usually find out that they and their children HAVE seen the Star Wars series, the Lord of the Rings series, The Matrix series, many Disney movies, and on and on.

This is definitely one of those areas that are categorized in my head as Things That Make You Go, “Hmmm…”

I completely respect anyone’s religion/faith. Everyone needs to explore their own faith, in their own ways. But someone, somewhere, PLEASE explain to me in what way the Harry Potter story is by any way in favor of evil and Things Against the Bible (where the other ones aren’t)?

 If I even approach this with someone who’s intent on “helping me see the light,” I usually get the answer that it’s about witchcraft, which you know, is the Devil’s work.

And here’s typically my answer: Wrong.

I’m sure there have been literary papers written about this, but I’m just ranting from my personal point of view (that’s what this blog is for, anyway, isn’t it?).

Here’s my point to you, to all of you out there who dismiss Harry Potter because of that: Harry Potter is not about “Devil’s witchcraft.” It’s about magic, wonderment, growing up, and above all, the battle of good against evil — on a LARGE scale.

There are so many things the Harry Potter saga covers that are essential to a positive life, including the rewards of bravery, doing the right thing, fighting evil with good, and taking the high road.

For example, one of the best lines spoken by Dumbledore (Hogwart’s headmaster) to Harry: “Harry, we are coming to a time when everyone must choose whether do what is easy, or what is right.” OK, that’s not verbatim, but pretty close!

Anyway, beyond that, like I said, the same families that have barred Harry Potter allow Stars Wars, Disney, Lord of the Rings, and the like, without a second thought. So, here are my questions to that:

• Isn’t “The Force” the use of magic (and thus, witchcraft)? Again, good vs. evil.
• Wasn’t Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother someone who used magic? And for that matter, what about all of the magic (not just bad) used in Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and many, many others that the same parents insist are just fine for their children? Incidentally, these movies were actually barred from our household for a completely different reason, since those movies purport that a girl’s only purpose in life should be to find and win a man that will take care of her — but that’s a different blog for a different day!
• Lord of the Rings — magical rings, wizards, and elves, oh my
• Matrix — Talk about Christ-like stories!

So, there you have it. Typical hypocrisy of the church. Yet, there are still quite a few parents out there who think that Harry Potter is OVER THE EDGE. All I can say is, it’s their loss. Really, their children’s. Because there are so many lessons for a good life in those books, and they are really missing out on passing along such good lessons with such enjoyment related to it.

Now, talking about the Bible itself — which, when we read parts of it as a literary piece in 12th grade AP English class, our teacher introduced it as one of the books with the most magic, sex, drugs, and debauchery in all of history — there’s just so, so much I can talk about there. But that will be another blog, on another day, when I REALLY have time to sit down and go on about that!

 ’Nuff said!