Why Don’t We Ever Slow Down Anymore?

 

About a month ago, I got into a car accident — my first one in 18 years. The more I thought about it, the more I thought how amazing that was, considering all the years of commuter traffic and long distance driving under my belt!

And for all the times I had rushed, jumped a lane, turned around, honked my horn… this one time — ONE TIME — I was actually NOT in a hurry! I was on time, and following the rules. Go figure. But the other person was. AND it was only a couple hundred feet from my house, on top of it (what is it they say, about a large majority of accidents happen within a mile from home?). So, inevitably, because he couldn’t wait in bumper-to-bumper traffic for another 50 feet or so, he jumped a turn lane as I was turning, and… our worlds collided.

Luckily, no one got hurt. But because that guy couldn’t wait a few more minutes — maybe even less — he didn’t get where he was going at all until much later on (but I guess with a valid excuse, then). We do so much of that in our society today. Rush, rush, rush. Come on, admit it — how many times have you balanced the wheel of your car with your knee while taking a drink of your _____ (coffee, water, or whatever) and at the same time reaching over for that piece of paper you wrote your _____’s (doctor’s office, golf buddy, or whatever) phone number on, so you can call them and tell them you’re running late because your dog got loose because you left the fence open while taking out the trash, and then you fell in the mud chasing the mutt and had to change your clothes? Or you just HAD to stop at the cleaners on your way home from work, and then ran into the home warehouse store in the next parking lot because the toilet’s been leaking for months, and if you don’t replace the part that’s broken, you’re going to take a sledgehammer and destroy the whole thing? I could come up with scenario after scenario after scenario, but you probably get the point.

Anyway, I think we are so addicted to movement and action today that we somewhere, subconsciously, overload ourselves with way too much to ever do to get it all done. Why? Because I think we’re afraid. Of what, you ask? Probably ourselves. Probably with all the minutia, all the “important” details of the day, we somewhere deep down know that about 85% of it all is useless, trivial matter that doesn’t make a hoot of difference to the world if you do it or not.

I know so many people who scan at least a half dozen news Websites, publications, and then watch the news almost every day, because they just HAVE to know everything that’s going on. I ask, why? And, the bigger question, why do they think that the news actually is talking about what’s going on?? All I ever see in the news today is sensationalism, with very little (if no) objectivism. What happened to the media providing impartial information, so we as the public could decide an opinion for ourselves?

I could not even estimate the amount of junk e-mail we get every day — on all of my family’s 14 e-mail addresses (a mix of business and personal). Isn’t that pathetic? FOURTEEN E-MAIL ADDRESSES!!!! We have spam filters set up, and yet we still get tons of advertisements, mostly from lists where we’ve “opted in.”

Why so many e-mail addresses? Most people I know have at least 3 or 4. But with SO much information in our lives, one of the only ways to try to filter that information is to compartmentalize. Otherwise, we’d never even get to the essentials.

And then there’s TV. Because I refuse to let my children grow up without using their brains (something that is scarily become more and more the norm), we don’t EVER have the TV on when they’re up, except on Sunday mornings from 8-10am (and occasionally if there’s a special movie on cable they might want to watch, like during the holiday season). Otherwise, we’ll sometimes let them watch movies. We don’t have XBox or any game system in the house, and we heavily monitor any Internet activity.

And yet, with all that in place, we still never seem to have enough time for everything we have to do. I, of course, just compound the problem with my own budding business (pun intended), because any start-up takes double time for quite awhile. But between the business, our heavy involvement in the Tae Kwon Do school we attend, and all the other details of our daily lives, I have to fight to get 6 hours of sleep at night. Which has taken a toll on my physically. How many people do you know work on their feet for at least 5-6 hours a day, usually 7 days a week, take Tae Kwon Do 3-4 times a week, teach Tae Kwon Do 1-2 times per week, and still manage to gain 20 pounds in a year-and-a-half, even though I eat very sensibly and organically? You tell me when I can fit in anything else! Before I left my corporate job, I was in my office at my desk or usually in meetings most of a 9-10 hour day. I would get up at 5am to run 3-4 times a week, but that was to compensate for me sitting on my butt. And I still had the Tae Kwon Do at night. Oh, and I did somehow manage to find the time to do yoga a couple of times of week — something that I miss with a passion these days. Same eating habits. But it seems that as I’ve gotten even busier, my metabolism’s gotten even slower.

It’s like the speed in which we live today is like an addictive drug to our systems. It is in mine, anyway. Because since today I have to move at light speed (vs. sonic speed, I guess), has my body actually SLOWED itself down to try to neutralize that?? I don’t know. It’s just pisses me off, though — even though I really don’t have time to worry about it! So now what am I doing? I’m getting up EVEN EARLIER so I can try to push in a 20 minute jaunt on the elliptical machine in my spare room upstairs. Heck, soon I won’t have time to sleep at all. Maybe I won’t miss it, then!

Here’s the saddest part: I’m far from alone. I know that. Actually, almost everyone I know has their life set at a frantic pace. What are we racing for? Where are we racing to? What’s the finish line? We keep on saying we’re going to slow down, but we never do. Are we afraid of not being in the race? I don’t know.

I do have to say that working with plants has given me a LITTLE better perspective, because plants will grow as they want to grow — you can help them along, but don’t hurry them! We should all be like that sometimes, I think. And sometimes, when I’m down there in the nursery, in utter silence except for the ventilation fans and the outside sounds of nature (or just nature, when I’m working with the plants outside), I skip a breath, because I’ll experience this moment of utter… Silence. Peace. Pace. This is especially so when I see a baby lizard sitting quietly on a basil leaf, checking me out to see if I’m a menace. Or when I watch a beautiful yellow and black field spider sitting patiently on her web, waiting for that next grasshopper to land right in her trap. Or when I see the alien-looking praying mantis drinking water from the drops on a leaf. The best was when I actually saw a hummingbird land — yes, LAND — on something to take a breather.

My next door neighbor has discovered this world, as well. He’s been sort of forced into a semi-retirement because of a bout with cancer last year. And now he takes the most breathtaking photos of these things, and more. I just wish I could bring more people I know into this world, because the moments when I’m there, it’s like I’m getting oxygen after being deprived from being under water for too long in a pool. And it’s far more beautiful than the gray, gray, gray of rush, rush, rush!

I wish I could keep myself in that world, too. But inevitably, the rest of the world will force itself back in, as soon as I go back to my office and check my e-mails, get a phone call, think of the list of the thousand things I have to do. But I have moments, and that’s what keeps me sane… at least I have those, and I didn’t have them before. I guess that it really what Eckhart Tolle is trying to say in his Power of Now teachings (you can get the basic book from Amazon.com or pretty much any other major bookstore/site), but it takes us soooo long to get there today.

What makes me saddest is that it seems we don’t have time to really have friends anymore. I mean, REAL friends. There are a few who I thought were my real friends, but I guess I was mistaking the word “friend” for “good acquaintance.” These are people who I spent years with, collaberating and commiserating through our lives’ ups and downs, professions, marriages, children, and everything else — but when I stepped out of the world we had in common, they obviously didn’t even have time to keep a compartment for me. There’s one person whom I considered a very good friend, and I thought for sure that she and I would be even closer, since she, too, had started and grown a business of her own, and knew exactly what I would be going through. I spent years standing by her side, listening to her growing business woes, giving her advice. So I thought she’d be there for me, too, since I’m now going through what she did more than a decade ago. I was obviously mistaken; I’ve seen and talked to her maybe a total of a half dozen times in the past year-and-a-half, and most conversations have been really topical. Sad. There are a few others with whom I still communicate regularly — we do lunch once a month or so and e-mail back and forth — but that is pretty much all we can spare. It’s not that I’ve gotten off of the roller coaster ride, I’ve just gotten off of the same one as theirs, and gotten onto a different one. So, for many, I understand, but for that one friend who’s been here, done this, and really SHOULD understand…. that’s the one I DON’T understand. And yet, one of my very, very best friends from my early 20’s – to clarify, someone I was close to more than 15 years ago — I can not speak with for six months, and then when we talk, it’s like I saw her yesterday.

Anyway, the point is, try to find a moment. Just one. When you can see that little lizard, or watch the patience of the spider. And then maybe you can let in other moments… just maybe we can all get to know each other again, and filter out all of that useless stuff. With our race to get more and more into our lives, and process more and more information, we’re losing ourselves and our connection with each other.

Well, I could go on and on, but I have Tae Kwon Do to get to….  

My Parenting and Other Stuff: A Prologue.

Things that make you go “hmmm…”

I think this is where I will start practicing for my book. Because I’m really going to write it. Really. And I really don’t have too much on my plate to begin with (I only need few more hours in the day — easy to find a 25th and 26th hour, right?). But I have to start somewhere, right?

So I’ll start with my kids. Two girls, 11 and 9. Growing up thus far, they’ve seen me as a busy executive, and now an even busier (if that’s possible) small business owner. Which to me, is a good thing.

Before I ever had kids, I decided that I would do my best to “do right” by them, and try to fix some of the things wrong in the world today through them. Here was my (and my husband’s) recipe, before we ever knew what gender we would have to bless our household:

• For boys:
  • Make sure they have a clue. Now, now — don’t get all up in arms! I have had quite the experience with many of the male gender in my life, as friends, best friends, lovers, and colleagues (which further break down as bosses, equals, and subordinates). And, as I’ve always loved the puzzle of pscyhology vs. sociology, feel that through reviewing many research studies as well as mentally logging my personal experience, a majority of what goes on with boys and men is really sociological. I am really tired of the testosterone excuse, and of (still) the double standards in our world today. The “stronger sex”? Oh, please! Let men have babies, and we sure would be able to take care of population control, because no one would have more than one. Anyway, one of the biggest problems boys/men face is the ability to show and share their feelings, and overcome the social mores of being interested in some of the “things” that go on with the opposite sex.
  • Make sure they understand that it takes men AND women, as partners, to make the world go around. Basically, ying and yang, and all that stuff. I am one of the extremely lucky people who found a man to marry that truly believes and practices the partnership scenario in the marriage. To him, it’s BOTH of us who make the household run, and as long as we get the results, there are no purely defined “roles” that either one of us have. He understands that throughout our lives, we will go through periods where one will overcompensate for the other, and vice versa. For example, there were quite a few years when I was traveling everywhere for my job and working very, very long hours. He had a more laid back job, and thus did most of the kids’ doctor appointments, teacher appointments, sick pickups, and anything else that came our way. He cooked dinner many nights during the week, and has always done laundry (but that’s a blog unto itself!). And now, with my own business, it’s not completely different, except that due to the nature of my business, I’m usually working about 5am-2pm in the greenhouses and on delivery, and I can do my office work flexibly in the afternoons and evenings. And now, he’s just gotten a new job that takes more of his time, so I get to do a lot of the day-to-day kid stuff, because I’m usually more flexible to fit it in. Anyway, had we had boys, I would have made it my crusade to teach them that girls really ARE equal to boys, that both show their strength in different ways, and that it’s OK for boys to wear pink and to cry and play with dolls and show and share their emotions, and that’s it also OK for girls to beat them at a soccer game or in a race or school competition.
• For girls:
  • No matter what anyone tells you, girls and boys are (at least) equal, and girls are DEFINITELY NOT subordinate to boys in any way. The biggest difference: Boys, as adults, have more physical, immediate strength. Girls have more endurance (which goes back to our bodies being built to be baby incubators), and our bodies can typically take more stress for a longer period of time. It’s proven; look at the studies.

    We also tend to solve problems differently, and sometimes one way is better than the other, but if you apply both types in the right kind of situations, that’s the best of both worlds.

    Also, blue is a great color, as are rich, dark colors. Trucks, Legos, climbing trees, playing sports, and studying lizards and just as fun (if not even more so) than playing with dolls, which is what everyone thinks little girls need to do.

  • Suck it up, and be tough. Yes, just like boys need to be more sensitive, girls can and should be tough, too. As I’m not a crier myself, I think that too many tears are wasted on things that aren’t supposed to be emotional. Also, don’t ever use your menstrual cycle as an excuse (nor should they allow anyone else use it to write off why they’re upset about something), becuase it’s not. We all have up and down days. Deal with it.

 And so, we proceeded to have 2 girls, who alternate regularly as the light of my days and the bane of my existence. At 11 and 9, they’re precocious, competitive, vivacious, and yet sweet and loving all wrapped into one. I’ve always told them it’s most important to love themselves first, and that beauty is truly what comes from the inside (which has sometimes been really hard, because they are both very beautiful children, and I had to and have to continue to fight their vanity seeping in). They, too, are black belts in Tae Kwon Do (the four of us have done it together from day one), they love sports and outdoorsy stuff, and yet they also love playing with their Webkins and school, or just like to read.

However, don’t worry — I know I have my failures, and I know this is just the calm before the storm. At 11, my older daughter (I’ll call her B) definitely has pubescence right on the horizon, and it’s my crusade to at the very least keep the lines of communication open — as painful as it can be — because I want to be inside her head through those tempestuous waters up ahead. I didn’t have that during those years, and I think that’s what steered me into some pretty deep and scary waters back then. I know she will make mistakes, but I at least hope they will be smaller and not so scary ones (to me, anyway). The good thing — at her age, she’s already showing signs of the Type A, anxious personality I have as an adult. I say that’s good, because sometimes that prevents her from doing something completely and utterly wrong.

At least so far we can communicate about moodiness and general “oddish-ness” (her word), when it hits her. I opened up that door a few months ago, when she was completely unreasonable, mean, and alternatively weepy one morning before school. So I looked her straight in the face and asked, “Alien, get out of my daughter’s body RIGHT NOW and go find someone else to possess!” Though she didn’t react too much at that moment, thereafter when she was feeling that way (usually in the morning before school), she started telling me that the alien had taken over for the time being. Message from her: “I’m unreasonable right now and I know it. I’ll try to come back sometime soon.” So I give her some space, and it’s usually better.

As for my younger child (I’ll call her S), she’s very tall for her age — only .75″ shorter than her older sister (who is at 75% for height) — and we’re CONSTANTLY getting asked if they’re twins. However, she’s still 9, and mentally not at that same place… yet. My issues with her stem from speaking her mind truthfully, and not saying something because she thinks someone else wants her to say it. And she’s lazy, probably because of having  a little bit of a domineering older sister to lead her, ever since she was born. But with them in separate schools this year, that seems to be waning. However, it does feed into more arguing at home, because she is asserting herself more with her sister, which her sister is definitely not used to!

I’m really, really not looking forward to the teenage years. If we can survive that, we can survive anything.

That’s it for today, I think. I have thousands of little thoughts flying through my brain, and I would write and write and write if I let myself. But I wanted to give you my beliefs in this respect, because I know I will go down this road again and again, and that many of my worries, concerns, fears, and drives come from my husband and I plodding through bringing up our daughters together. It flavors everything in our lives.

Prejudice or Reverse Discrimination?

I hate reading and watching the news. In the words of my kids’ pediatrician (an awesome doctor we all adore), according to the media, ugliness is interesting… happiness, in general, is not. And, in my words, it’s getting old that media tries to brainwash us to believe what they want us to believe.

Frankly, I look very warily at the “Jena 6″ saga in Louisiana. It’s one of a thousand things wrong in our little world in the U.S. today. Yes, those kids were wrong to put nooses on the tree. Yes, there was some wrongness in the convenience store incident the week before, when black kids took a gun away from a white kid threatening them with it (and then the black kids got charged with theft). BUT, here’s what’s wrong with the picture:

Let’s take color out of it. Say this was a group of kids, say a bunch of teenage girls. And, say one of the girls was different because she wore a purple hat every day, rain or shine. And the other girls, being bored in a smallish town, for some reason didn’t like the girl with the purple hat. In fact, most people liked her regardless of the purple hat or not. But these girls just got competely incensed by it. So they dug up something about her family’s past… like, say, one or her mother’s ancestors was burned at the stake as a witch in the Salem Witch Trials…. and they make a likeness of her in a scarecrow, then set up a stake and burn it in a very public place. And the girls do subtle things to her, like leave voodoo dolls in her locker, make sounds, talk about her and tell others that they saw her killing Farmer So-and-so’s chicken so she could use its blood for a sacrifice. The purple-hatted girl tells the school officials about all of this, and do they arrest them? No, as is often the case, they give the girls in-school suspension. The purple-hatted girl is really mad, so she gets 6 of her friends, finds of the group of these girls, and beats her up bloody. Here’s my question for you: What would you say should happen to the purple-hatted girl and her friends that were part of the beating? Yes, the purple-hatted girl was harassed, her life was made miserable by the group of girls. But did that make it OK for her to plan on beating up the girls, in essence become a vigilante? No, absolutely not. The law is the law. The original group played head games; the second one committed a premeditated act of violence. I would say the first group deserves school and parental intervention; the second deserves law intervention. Was either group right? Absolutely not, though yes, I’d feel badly for the purple-hatted girl. She likes purple hats…. so what? And so what, that an ancestor was (probably unrightfully) burned at the stake as a witch? It’s just a reason for someone to hate her; it gave the other girls something from which to work, without having to look at their own insecurities. HOWEVER, I would say that it DID NOT justify physical violence in retribution.  The law is the law.

This is a huge problem we have. I am caucasian. I grew up on Long Island in NY, which is a melting pot of nationalities, races, and religions. I celebrate and enjoy our diversity — that’s what makes life interesting and colorful! And I hate bigotry. However, I’m tired of people USING their ethnicity, skin color, and/or religion as a shield against the law, or to get political, financial, and societal favors simply BECAUSE of it. It happens more and more these days.

What happened to us being the big melting pot? It seems we’ve been divided; with all the injustice in the world, we need stop acting like oil and water. And don’t fail to notice: I’ve met (yes, even here in the big, bad, nasty South) plenty of black people who are just as or even more prejudiced than any caucasian I’ve known.  But their close-minded deeds aren’t pointed at; they’re applauded. Even when those close-minded deeds are just as bad (if not worse) than any caucasian bigot I’ve met. Pride, and slavery, you know. 

Oh, please.

My husband and I have been so, so purposeful in bringing up our kids without prejudice, with open minds, and open hearts. We’ve not taught them that they can only like a certain type of person, due to genetic difference than ours. I was unduly proud when I found out (from my daughter’s Kindergarten teacher, mind you, not even from her) that her best friend at the time, a boy in her class, had cerebral palsy, and was a bit slower than everyone else, both physically and learning-wise (incidentally, he was black). One day, she refused to play with the rest of her friends because they were making fun of this boy. She took his hand, said, “____, don’t listen to them. Let’s go play somewhere else, without them.”

I was SSSSOOOOO proud when I heard about this incident from her teacher, and even prouder when I prodded my daughter, who just shrugged her shoulders and said, “Well, they were making fun of him. They’re just not friends, then. It’s not like he can help it.”

Did she get a handful of her most vicious and violence-loving Kindergarten friends to go and beat up those original “friends”? No. In fact, she instead spent productive time trying to integrate him in with them. She talked to the others, told him to give him a chance. And at the end of the year, I wouldn’t say he was the best of friends with the others, but they had hit a neutral ground.

So, we despeartely need to stop acting like sheep, and before we jump up to shout “WRONG!” about the inequities by some of people in the spotlight who play off of things like this, who are trying to further expand the chasm between people who are different in looks from each other, let’s look at where the inequities REALLY are. We were given a brain; let’s use it, instead of being told what to think! Look at the facts — NOT EMOTION — and THEN decide what you really think.

 More on this to come; I’m just tired and need to go to sleep!

Who is John Galt?

One of my biggest frustrations and disappointments in the human race today is the lack of personal responsibility many people take, and how easy it seems to be for most people to point their finger at someone else to try to pass on the blame for anything (though those same people are quick to take the credit for something they didn’t do). I got tired of the corporate world because there were many days when I felt like half the day was trying to get down to who was responsible for a problem; the longer I was there, the harder it seemed to get (maybe because the longer I was there, the higher I got on the chain, and I got high enough to realize one day that almost no one in Executive Row seemed to take responsibility if they could pin the blame on anyone else).

This reminds me of my favorite author, Ayn Rand. For those of you who don’t know, Ms. Rand wrote the timeless classic fiction of true capitalism, The Fountainhead and (my favorite book of all time) Atlas Shrugged. She had some others that were not as well known, but followed the same theme/message — that it is our job as humans to be the best we can be, that a true capitalist (which we definitely don’t have in today’s world) takes full responsibility for his/her actions and/or product, and that he/she who works the hardest and makes the best product should be the one who gets the most recognition, money, and power. That is sadly untrue in our society. She poked fun of this, too, in her fictional stories — stories that, though written in the 1940s, seem to be a sad rendition of where we are today, 60ish years later. Scary.

However, I love those two books passionately — I cried at the end of The Fountainhead, and I don’t cry for books (OK, maybe that and parts of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, but THAT’S IT!), because it was the first time I felt that I found an author that had the same core beliefs and feelings that I do.

I also found that some of the people I have respected the most — in life and in the corporate world (which is a caricature of life, for sure) — were big fans of Ayn Rand, too. Funny, about that!  My husband got me a sweatshirt — my favorite one — that just says “Who is John Galt?” (a key annoying term that sums up the problem in Atlas Shrugged). And I get one of two comments when I’m wearing it — either “OK, I just have to ask, who IS John Galt?” or “Awesome, just awesome. I love that book.” Usually, to the former, I say, “If you don’t know, then you haven’t read the book,” or something similar. As for the latter, that usually sparks up a mini-conversation and some mutual respect for each other because we understand and agree.

A side note: I was very angry that in the movie Dirty Dancing (which I have seen countless number of times), they used The Fountainhead as something attached to the rich/elite. Robby, the rich jerk who Baby’s sister was pursuing, gave the book to Baby, saying, “Read it. I’ve written notes in the margins. Some people matter, and some people don’t.” I was angry that they exploited Ayn Rand that way. In fact, it was a completely WRONG and twisted way of portraying the meaning of her books, which are just the opposite of what Robby was saying to Baby in the movie. In fact, Robby was one of the shmoozers that in the books were portrayed as the real losers; someone who thought they should be treated differently because of where they came or their position in life from vs. what they’ve done.

I just hate that.

Anyway, besides seeing this lack of personal responsibility in many of our celebrities, politicians, and countless others in the limelight, I see it every day. I saw it every day in the corporate world. I see it all the time in customer service representatives for any given company (who, ultimately, are instructed to behave that way by the company, so the company can shun all responsibility for any product problems). I grit my teeth at the fact that a _________ service provider (fill in the blank — Internet, cable, wireless,…) will spend 45 minutes on the phone with you trying to DISPROVE the possibility that the problems you may be having as a paying customer might be even remotely related to their service.

It’s in the stores, it’s at the doctor’s office, it’s everywhere. Pointing fingers, or shrugging off responsibility. People shirking their own responsibility (“well, I didn’t think I needed to…” or “I didn’t say I would ______, what I said was…” or “well, I didn’t know, because I thought she/he was taking care of it…”) to point fingers at others so they can feel better about themselves.

One of the hardest challenges my husband and I face is teaching our kids personal responsibility for their actions. They’re 11 and 9 now, and the early years were easy. But, once they seemed to hit elementary school (and now the older one, middle school), it was funny how quickly and how much their peers seemed to undo most of the good we had done! I had a meltdown the other night because I was tired of excuses and rationalizations. All I was waiting to hear was, “I screwed up. I’m sorry; I’ll make it better.” But instead, all I heard was a string of excuses and rationalizations. So, they both got it from me. If I have to lock them in a closet and hire someone to home school them, I WILL. We have taught truth and personal ownership from day one; but even at this fairly early age, society is teaching my children that it’s OK to shirk responsibility, and it’s a very attractive thing, to think they can get away with something if they just refuse to claim responsibility for it. So, any ideas on how to fight that, please let me know!

I think that will be all for tonight. I feel a little better now, though it’s something that irritates me on a daily basis, and I feel more and more alien to our world and society because I always take responsibility for something if it’s my responsibility to take. Period. And sometimes, it’s painful. But in my opinion, it’s like ripping off the Band-Aid — usually, it hurts a lot less if you just own up to it, take care of it, and move on, than if you spend tons of time and energy trying to blame someone or something else and then knowing you were really to blame.

Welcome to United in Solitude!

I don’t know if I’ll keep the name, because as I go, I’m sure this blog will evolve. But part of the reason (I feel) I needed to create this blog is because I’ve been spending the past year-and-a-half building a business to make me more sane (HAH to that!), and in the process, went from the corporate management job with people, people everywhere, to days when I don’t speak to anyone but my husband and children. And, as an established extrovert, it did start getting to me after awhile. But, as I became more and more entrenched into my business, I found my life really began to change, and with my contacts found that some of the loneliest people out there are entrepreneurs, especially at the start-up stage.

But another thing — I’ve spent a lot of the past several years working on the development of my spiritual side. Because I’ve found that as a Type A personality, I was more of a human “doing” than a human being. Go, go, go, run, run, run, do, do, do… which took a toll on me physically. Migraines, digestive issues… and I knew I could get control of it (control is the mantra of us Type As, right?) , and found in the process that it’s not about control. It’s becoming a part of BEING. In our society, it seems we’ve forgotten how to BE, because everyone spends so much time checking e-mail, getting phone calls, playing with electronics, we’ve come to depend on all of that to pass the days, and in the end, forget who we are. And then we forget that we are all a part of the same universe.

So, starting my own business was part of my therapy, also. I knew too many people within 10 years of my age that had been having strokes and heart attacks. I didn’t want to be one of them. Little did I know that although my business is therapy in itself (I have an organic herb nursery; check the links on the side of the page), it has also created more stress for me than I even imagined. But I’m stronger, and clearer now, I think.  And a year-and-a-half after I quit my “day job,” I’m learning to live with the rollercoaster that is often out of my control.

I also like to write, and don’t do it as much as I used to. I do want to write a book someday about the humor in all of our family dysfunctions, but not yet. I wanted to start here.

So, as an introduction to me, I’m going to tell you what’s on my header, and why:

• First, the colors in the background are based on the chakras. Because meditation is our friend, and the full awareness of our energy centers is the key to BEING.
• The ladybug is such a monumental symbol, to me. Obviously, now that I’m in the plant growing business, this is an easy one — such a beautiful, favorite little bug in our world does so much for us, and we barely pay them mind. It looks so dainty and friendly (and its name says the same), yet it’s one of the most voracious predators of harmful bugs in our gardens. As a symbol, the ladybug is associated with the fire and the sun, as well as luck, love, spirituality, and religious devotion, too. (I really just like ladybugs, too!)
• The next pic is of me breaking a brick during my 1st Dan (black belt) exam in Tae Kwon Do, as well as another picture of me about to put my husband on his butt during the same exam.  :) I felt I need to include something from Tae Kwon Do, because my journey through to black belt has been life-changing for me, and has added a dimension of centeredness that I really didn’t know I was missing. It taught me that anything is really attainable, if you put your mind to it — I never dreamed I’d be getting a black belt at the age of 38! It’s a big part of my life, as it is for my husband and children (it’s a great family activity for us), and we continue to train for higher levels (2nd Dan — 2nd degree — black belt test is in 2008).
• The middle pic is of sage, which is (obviously) an herb I grow as part of my business. It’s also been more of a challenge to grow in quantity in my geography than I ever thought! But also, historically, sage is supposed to absorb negativity and misfortune, as well as drive away disturbances and tensions, and lift the spirits above the mundance cares of life. Very appropos, I would say!
• Next, just a pic of me.
• Finally, the Ohm (Aum) symbol, one I’ve learned well in my study of meditation and yoga (though I still have a long, long way to go). It means “the Word,” or “the eternal.” It is said in some The Om is also often referred to as the first sound of the universe — the Earth, creation…the heart of existence.  To become one with the sound of the Om, through visual meditation and sounding of the vibration, allows one to become one with the source of all…to become “realized.” I’m working on that! 

And notice… with more than 17 years in “corporate America,” I don’t have any pics from that in there, even though that’s a lot of my past and how I got here, also.  I got to the position and paycheck I always wanted, and I was miserable. And though I’ve had some very tough times doing what I’m doing now, I’ve never once had a regret that I left — I could always go back, but right now, I’m exploring THIS life — one of BEING as well as DOING.

Back to the name, United in Solitude. It’s not just entrepreneurs — we’re all very lonely today, alone in an overcrowded world. All of our gadgets and all of the information we need to process every day has caused us to have A.D.D. , get impatient, and with great irony, lose out on connecting with each other. Oh, we have friends — and many, many more acquaintances — but how many do we really get connected with? Fewer and fewer. Though my phone book is chock full of names, addresses, e-mail address, and phone numbers, if someone were to ask me,”How many REAL friends do you have, that you think would be there if you really, really, REALLY needed them?” My answer would be three. One of them I haven’t seen in 8 years, one of them I haven’t seen in about 5, and one of them I only see about twice a year. But I know they’re there, in the background, and they would be there for me no matter what. Of course, my husband is also my best friend (though I’m convinced he’s of an alien race), but there are times when I need someone OUTSIDE the home, know what I mean?

Anyway, in all of my pondering while working in the greenhouses over the past year-and-a-half, I’ve thought about this stuff a lot. What we really need to know and to let each other know is that we ARE here for each other, because if we’re not, we won’t be here as a race for much longer! We need to cut through the haze of the electronic age, and remember that we’re not robots, but people, so we need more.

‘Nuff said. Till next time…